In this column of Oct 18, I referred to the 2023 “happiness index” compiled by Wofoo Social Enterprises. At 5.88 on a scale of zero to 10, this was the city’s lowest score since I began my annual Hong Kong Happiness Survey in 2005. Since July, at least 22 youngsters below the age of 19 committed suicide. Whenever a youngster commits suicide, a family is consumed by grief. Worries that children might face more pressure than they can handle no doubt play an important part in the decision of many young couples about whether they are going to have children. These considerations underscore my argument made in another article in China Daily (Sept 5) that promoting parenting education would boost Hong Kong’s fertility rate.

The Hong Kong Special Administrative Region government in this year’s Policy Address has introduced incentives to boost Hong Kong’s fertility rate. The most eye-catching initiatives include a one-off grant of HK$20,000 ($2,560) for each newborn baby in Hong Kong whose father or mother is a permanent Hong Kong resident, and a “fast pass” to a subsidized public rental housing flat amounting to one year less on the waiting list for such accommodation. I am sure these incentives will work to some extent, but they will not take away the worries about children facing undue pressure as they grow up. Prospective parents, in the face of academic pressures as well as possible confrontations with children over things like limiting online time and acquiring bad habits from peers, are choosing to immigrate to other countries or not to have children altogether.

The Jockey Club has supported a parenting education program run by the Hong Kong Parent Education Association since the 2016-17 school year. The latest round runs from 2022-23 to 2024-25. Schools from kindergartens to secondary schools, including schools for special needs education, were all invited to participate without any financial commitments. The association certainly has made a laudable effort, but positive results have yet to be seen.

The association proposed a parent-centered approach to parenting education. The idea is that parents need to nurture their own strength before learning to nurture their children. I agree that parents must know the basics of LIFE — Love, Insight, Fortitude, and Engagement — education and know how to manage their lives before they can bring up their children properly. If parents cannot self-manage, they will never set a good example for their children. If parents lose their temper easily, or become angry with the “misbehavior” of their children or their poor academic results, they will not bring up happy, self-confident children.

As indicated above, LIFE education is all about Love, Insight (wisdom), Fortitude, and Engagement. Parents naturally love their children, but many parents do not know how to love their children the right way.

Will parents encourage young children to share some of the housework? Many parents will not because they say kids will break dishes and make a mess. Parents should know that kids really do need to share some of the housework, and make sure not to scold them for doing a bad job. If parents wait till kids reach their teens and then ask them to share the housework, they will resist. They will never learn.

If prospective parents all learn the tricks to be good parents, then parenting will be a manageable challenge and will be fun. Are there any takers?

Will parents praise their kids’ effort even if the work is not really well done? Will parents tell their children that they do care if a sincere effort has been made at a task but will not mind if the results are good? Will parents tell their children not to worry if they flunk an examination, and that they would do well if they learn from mistakes?

Will parents watch the ability of their kids, and let them face challenges that are not too hard for them? Challenges should always be manageable. Then there will be fun and no pressure.

Parents need to know that a sincere appreciation of genuine effort is the recognition that kids need. This is far better than a financial reward or a toy. Occasional material incentives are fine, but it is really important not to flood them with so much that they will not treasure what they have.

Resilience education is about understanding that many goals in life are just instrumental goals. Nice if you achieve them, but more important is that kids should find their dream and realize their potential in whatever way they see fit.

Will parents avoid quarreling in front of their kids? They must ensure that the home should be peaceful and warm. Any argument, including debating how to take care of the kids better, is counterproductive. It will only hurt the children.

Will parents learn to avoid big mistakes and to limit losses if they have made one? Big bets that are not really necessary should always be avoided, since they cannot afford the possible terrible outcome. Big losses that have already been incurred must be swallowed. Parents need to learn never to dwell on them and lose sleep for days and weeks. This is called “limiting losses”. Learning from the mistake is necessary, and this is how we all grow up and become resilient.

If prospective parents all learn the tricks to be good parents, then parenting will be a manageable challenge and will be fun. Are there any takers?

The author is director of Pan Sutong Shanghai-Hong Kong Economic Policy Research Institute, Lingnan University.

The views do not necessarily reflect those of China Daily.